Are You Willing To Ask For Help?
Photo by Noah Buscher on Unsplash
Were you conditioned to believe that “if you want something done right you need to do it yourself”? This was ingrained in me as a child. Funny thing is that my mom also used to say “Many hands make labor light.” Generally she’d say that when she was commanding and demanding that I get my head out of a book and get to work on the housecleaning.
Growing up with a whole lot of mixed messages including the cultural message in the US of the “rugged individual” has made it difficult and sometimes even impossible for me to recognize when I am reaching a point where my own skills, expertise and capability to get things done has reached it’s limits. I’ve not been very good at asking for help. I’ve also not been very good when I have asked at discerning who can actually help me!
I spent way too many years when I did ask for and attempt to receive help expecting the people I was asking to really be able to serve me and my vision. I’ve spent hundreds of hours and thousands of dollars working with people who weren’t necessarily a “right fit”. I’ve spent a lot of time frustrated and dissatisfied. I’ve tried and failed repeatedly to get people to “get me”. As a result I often fell back on the “I’ll just do it myself” solution.
What I’ve been learning recently is that there are a few things I can do to make my whole life and business a hella lot easier. Here’s some insights after more than 30 years in the entrepreneurial space and more than 20 doing deep inner work:
1) SLOW DOWN to speed up. I’m typically on mach speed when I get hit with a hot new idea or vision. I often forget that not everyone else is immediately capable of being immediately “up to speed” with me. The best way I’ve learned to slow down is by actively taking up a whole lot of space in my calendar for time in nature and self care.
2) COMMIT TO LEARNING so that you can actually get the lesson. How many times have you repeated your lessons?? I had a great team member who brought in the concept of “what we are learning” to my business about 7 years ago. It was a game changer. In moments now when I’m feeling the angst of shiz not getting done the way I want it when I want it I invite myself to take a step back and either inquire or acknowledge “what are we learning?” Most often I’m learning that I’m in an old pattern that requires my attention to release and rewire.
3) KEEP ASKING FOR SUPPORT - One thing I discovered was a huge pocket of shame that I was carrying around about how I was managing my own business financials and a high expectation that I was holding for myself that “I should know better”. The operative word here that’s an indicator that I actually need help is “should”. When you find yourself “shoulding” all over yourself that’s a big red flag that you need to ask for support. You may have to ask multiple people, in multiple places, in multiple ways.
4) HIRE SLOW/FIRE FAST - I heard this from Bert Jacobs the Founder & Chief Executive Optimist of the $100,000,000 Life Is Good Company in response to a question I asked him at a business building event I attended back in 2013. I’m still working on learning how to do this with greater facility. As a small business owner the game can sometimes be 2 steps forward and 3 steps back. Being sure that my baseline income is covered and hiring from a place of clarity on how the new person will expand my capacity to serve and also what the income and expense impact will be on the business and more importantly on my psyche has gone a long way to ensuring that I’m improving in my practice in this area.
5) PERSIST UNTIL YOU FIND THE FIT - Sometimes you have to fire people. I hate firing people. Really I do - I will never forget the first person I ever had to fire. I was in my late 20’s and the Regional Vice President for the Massachusetts Division of my company. I was managing nearly $100,000,000 in real estate assets and this guy was hired to be the maintenance manager for the dozen or so communities I was responsible for. Within a few weeks it was abundantly clear he was not a fit. He was arrogant, invasive of space and when it came time for me to fire him he REFUSED to be fired. Seriously. This was in the 1990’s and he just flat out refused to hand over the keys and leave. I was so enraged and simultaneously embarrassed and flummoxed about what the hell to do. I ended up calling the company owner and he came down and fired the guy. Right in this moment I’m aware I probably still have some inner work to do on this one! I was fortunate though that I was able to find a replacement who was a FABULOUS fit and he and I worked together for many more years with great ease.
The main point of this is that asking for help is truly a practice. You can’t be expected to know everything and that’s why there are so many professionals, experts and mentors who are available to help. We live in a truly tremendous time where we have the capacity to co-create magic when we work together. When 1 plus 1 equals 11 instead of just 2.
Interested in asking for help from me? I’d be delighted to see if it’s a fit for us to work together to support you to be able to have greater clarity, confidence and commitment to seeing your own vision come into fruition! Whether it’s becoming a Empowered Messenger, Starting A Podcast or stepping into the creation of your own Wealthy Life By Design I invite you to apply for a Wealthy Life By Design Clarity Consultation with me. If you qualify my team will be in touch to get you in the schedule!