I Had A Vision...

In February I had a vision.   I was in a Cacao Ceremony here in my local community for the first time.   I had started the year off with a lot of optimism and at the same time had a lot of concern because my Kitty Love - Jackie Cat was not doing well at all.

My devoted companion and "medicine buddy" - Jackie was definitely unwell - and although I did a lot of the things that seemed to be right action steps - including working with a pet psychic - I knew we couldn't continue the way things were going much longer.

It was a sad time made even sadder because I felt it wise to get my son on board for the upcoming transition and he had lost both of his grandmothers in 2019 - one in January and the other in November.   

When I went to the ceremony I didn't know what to expect but I was so happy to be in a space with another medicine person where I felt that I could relax.  

Have you struggled with being the "one" in a group who carries the energetic load or assumes it?  Have you ever been the one who, even though your intention is to be served, able to relax into the space and let go, find yourself still "on the alert" just in case the space holder slips up in holding the space?

This has been a lifelong issue for me - partly because I haven't seen myself clearly and partly because I was raised in an environment that was untrustworthy to say the least.  This pattern of behavior and it's concurrent inability to relax and be "at ease" created a whole bunch of trouble for me over time - including health issues that I have been focused on healing and resolving since 2018.  

What happened in the ceremony was really important. First - I felt truly ‘Held’ by the ceremonialist. That alone was a huge relief and allowed me to actually open up to the medicine being offered by the cacao.
Second - I found a new medicine ally! Cacao has now become a massive supporter in my evolution and growth and has served to open my heart in spaces and places I didn’t even know that it was closed.

The other important thing that happened was in the journey itself. I was in the “inner planes” and found myself in a temple space. There was a white alabaster altar upon which a creamy yellow/white serpent was laying. Sign number one that shedding and letting go was being indicated. I was facing the altar and at my feet a beautiful and powerful black jaguar was laying. The jaguar got up, left the temple and as I turned to look out the entrance the jaguar looked back and transmitted the following message: “The time for “keeping track” and “accounting for” (all the things that could possibly go wrong!) and “being on the alert” is OVER. The time for appreciation has begun.” I could feel grief in my heart at the departure of the jaguar and understood this as a message that it was also time to release Jackie Cat to “depart” the temple of his body and my home. When I turned my attention back to the interior of the temple space a beautiful blue butterfly fluttered through - another message - the transformation of the soul is represented by the butterfly.

I’ve been “working” this medicine since then. Within the week I took my sweet kitty to the vet - at the last possible minute - and held him as they administered the injection weeping with sadness for the end and also relief that the time had come and the struggle to keep him alive was ending. I’ve also been letting go of a lot of the old patterns of coping and survival behavior that have been amplified by Covid-19, the state of the world, protests, daily shocking news and now the upcoming election.

I don’t have any answers. Only questions about how I can better align myself to being in appreciation and to following the guidance of letting go of being always “on the alert”. Questions about how I can allow in support, love, peace, harmony, unity, forgiveness and grace. Questions about how I can more deeply understand and have kindness and compassion for myself. Questions about how I can best show up in the world in ways that are mutually beneficial and a contribution rather than a conflagration.

I know one thing - I trust that Vision and with this post am willing to use my voice to express it with the hopes that the seeds off appreciation will be cultivated within at least one other heart who might read this.

I also know that Feeling the Losses fully and completely is a form of praise and celebration and that our joy and our gratitude and most especially our love is big enough to contain it all.